mental-health

So… it’s that time of year again, and oh boy, this is a big one. Now look, I know that there’s nothing particularly special or interesting about a man turning the calendar over for a fifty first time. In fact, those of you that have been along for all or even most of this ride know that a man overdoing such a birthday would have earned my written ire faster than my morning trip to the restroom after eating something too spicy too late at night. Nevertheless, I persist.

The past year has proven Confucius to be the eternal sage I always knew him to be, when he uttered the greatest truth of aging that I have found, to date: We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one. You might argue that today, marks the true beginning of my second life – and in the spirit of celebrating the proverbial back nine… here are 51 things I’ve learned:

Love stays. It does a million other things, in a million different ways, in an infinite number of places, and for an infinite number of people. But most importantly, it stays.
Making time for people is the best investment you can make.
Pick up the damn phone and call. (Corollary – Answer the damn phone).
Your legacy will be defined, exclusively, by the help you give to others.
Spend your time around people who share your vision for the future, no matter what they think of the present.
Your rivals are secretly your best friends; you just don’t know it yet.
Despite five decades of enlightenment, I still have trouble not imagining violence when in traffic.
Teenagers will never be funny. Ever. But they can still be awesome.
College is expensive. Being uneducated is more expensive.
Nihilism is cowardice of the mind and spirit; and it also doesn’t make any sense.
The world runs on the hopes of men and women between the ages of 20 and 40, and that is not an infinite resource.
It costs nothing to genuinely encourage others, but it is priceless.
I can think of no more pervasive and objective human flaw than those who “enjoy getting a rise out of” someone else. Leave these people be, they aren’t ok – and they aren’t going to be.
You can learn a lot about someone by the way they play board games.
Video calls are awesome – but not the same as spending time together.
“Yes” is always will be more exciting, valuable, and human, than “no.”
Friendship is the most important form of love.
Take more pictures. You’ll want them later and if you don’t curate your memories, who will?
It’s not the screen that’s ruining your kids; it’s your lack of control and understanding of what’s on that screen. Just because it keeps them quiet, doesn’t mean it’s good for them.
It costs nothing to encourage others in whatever they are working towards! But, it might be just the thing that gets them through – and that is everything.
If your religion makes you hate anyone who don’t know, you’re doing it wrong.
No matter what the news says, there is infinitely more good and peace than evil and conflict in this world.
Conversation is a skill. Practice.
We are not the promises we make, we are the promises we keep – and the things we do, without promising them at all.
Generation X would never survive as modern kids – I know we like to think we would, but nope. But we will always have the best music, and we are funnier than you.
Unless you’re picking up the check, stop complaining about how it’s split.
Life on the sidelines is no life at all. It starts when you join in.
If it’s easy to be good at, it’s worthless. Challenges are life.
We lost way more than we thought during the COVID-19 pandemic. The first step to getting it back will be to admit what we lost.
Complement strangers; but only criticize who you actually know.
Generosity never goes out of style, especially when undertaken privately.
Learn how to lose with dignity, respect, and curiosity; there are always more losses than wins – even for champions. Actually, especially for champions.
Look people in the eyes. Always.
Anyone who actually needs their hypocrisy pointed out to them will not care one bit about it. Save your breath.
If you wouldn’t shout at someone on the sidewalk, don’t shout at it someone online.
Don’t forget to breathe.
We all talk a different language when we speak in defense.
Life is always better with a good soundtrack.
There are more rules than you think there are; they are enforced less strictly than you think they are.
Get up earlier.
Your taste buds evolve – try something you used to hate; you might surprise yourself!
No matter what you do, gents, have one custom suit that fits you like it should.
Celebrate frequently – with an occasion or otherwise.
The best anti-aging medicine is movement.
Accept more invitations.
No one has ever done anything great, alone.
Life is a bring your own energy party. Plan accordingly.
Don’t let places happen to you – let yourself happen to places.
You are living the life that your kids and friends will tell stories of, so give them something good to talk about!
Sing in your car!
The best questions are the ones you’re terrified to ask. Ask anyway.

So… here we are, fifty years on. There was a time I saw this as the putative “halfway” mark, but it feels a lot more like two thirds, these days. Nevertheless, I haven’t turned out to be the old man I feared I would. Through an extraordinary combination of, good fortune, good people, good timing, and good old fashioned, hard work, it’s become a beautiful life, and one that I’m proud of. So, it turns out that I skipped this exercise last year – and while I’m not exactly sure why, I’m putting another marker down in 2024, because we are what we repeatedly do, if nothing else.

The one lesson that repeatedly comes up is the value and importance of a lifetime commitment to learning. This is always the silent lesson in all of this: that a willingness to keep finding lessons, is the most important one, after all.

So, as we cross the lexicon from young-adjacent, to retirement-planning-in-place, here are fifty things I’ve learned:

Who cares about how it looks, if it makes you feel good, do it. (Keep an eye on local ordinances, however).
No one can keep a secret. Ever. Keep this in mind when making decisions.
The most important trait for success is passion.
Texting is not the same as calling, and it’s definitely not better.
I used to think no one was “magic”, and then I thought just a few special people were magic, and I missed the whole thing – we’re all magic.
Call your parents. Yes, you do have a good reason not to. Call them anyways.
The only thing that was better about the 80’s than now, is the music.
The last job that AI will take from us will be creative. If you’re not creating, you’re basically just marking time until your irrelevance.
Anger is a drug, and an addictive one.
No one over the age of 50 should ever be in a physical fight – yes, even if you’re Mike Tyson.
If you’re not enjoying getting older, you’re doing it wrong.
If we don’t figure out a way to stop abandoning young men from ages 15-25, that will come back to not only haunt us, but to destroy us. Boys are not disposable.
Pick up the damn phone.
Complaining about younger generations is something you can grow out of, and I highly recommend it.
YouTube should be harder to get to than liquor and weed. Trust me, it has the capacity to do much more damage.
Modern politics is bullshit. Full stop.
The Dunning Kruger effect and basic logic should both be taught in high school – with the same fervor as any other science – in fact, instead of other science. No one needs geology.
The only people who can benefit from nihilism are martyrs, and even they don’t get much out of it.
Americans know more about the Cola Wars (i.e. Coke vs. Pepsi), than the war between Israel and Palestine.
What you repeat you will learn, what you continually learn, you will master, and what you master, you will teach – whether you set out to, or not.
There is a fine line between not being ashamed of yourself, and losing the capacity for shame – and a lot of people are residing on the wrong side of this.
Hypocrisy is dead. Forever.
Anything can be normalized, if repeated and surrounded by it. There’s no reason to be surprised by it.
Americans (raised on cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, etc.) need an enemy. If we don’t find one, we turn on each other.
The final number of “nations” in the world will be either one or zero. It’s time to start merging – because we don’t need more sovereigns. Can you imagine a real future for Lichtenstein?
The “free market” is just as reliable a problem solver as the government. Institutions don’t help people, people help people.
Be nice. Really.
Time heals everything, unfortunately, it’s also the most precious resource we have, so you have to choose what to spend it healing. Just don’t waste it.
The best medication for anxiety is perspective, the second best is hydroxyzine.
You have less time than you think.
Showing up gets both harder and more valuable as you get older.
The two most embarrassing words you can say to a woman at age 50 are “night club.”
Crying is good for you.
I don’t care if daily bathing is bad for people, not doing it is bad for the rest of us, so wash your ass or go live in the woods. You do not have a right to stink.
Eat better. Right now. Your future self with thank you.
Getting tattoos when you’re young is great; but getting tattoos you can see while dressed normally at any age is a very heavy decision to make.
Other people are not NPCs in your life story. They are all just as complicated and nuanced as you are. In light of this, selfishness is truly insane.
Movement cures just about everything. So get up and go!
The willingness to be bad at something is essential for learning and happiness. You’re taking yourself too seriously. Seriously.
If you care more about a problem than the person who has that problem, you will not be able to help them.
Eat the doughnut. The one you want, too. Leave that plain glazed for someone else.
Everyone needs to do better in public restrooms; this includes treating anyone who has to clean one like the hero they are.
The best thing to say after someone says something insane or offensive is absolutely nothing. Trust me, it’s an easier exit for both of you.
The people most likely to beat the odds are those who have no other option. Bet on underdogs.
Curate your life. No one else is going to come do it for you. The memories you keep will be the ones you share.
Patience is a more nuanced skill than you think it is, and there’s definitely a version that’s too much.
There is an immutable and inverse relationship between your age and your comfort level with the physical proximity of strangers.
The fact that Uber hasn’t solved drunk driving means that it’s here to stay. Sorry MADD.
Loving yourself only works if you love who you are, not who you used to be, or who you hope to be.
Get up early. You’re missing more than you think.